178. sail away

so recently i have gotten a lot into nautical themed things, especially things like sailboats and anchors andd even the wheel thing on a boat. (clearly i dont know what it's called) anyways, i was looking up some sweet things that i would want and yeah here they are. all at www.etsy.com

I was so tempted to bu this one but it was $75 bucks ^

177. wisdom in the all knowing

i would like to think that i am pretty smart. i may not be intelligent in things like sports, politics or physics, or even math. BUT i would like to think that i have enough wisdom to take the time to think about what i say before i say it.

Im pretty knowledgeable with things like street smarts and all that jazz, but lately i have been given the opportunity to be knowledgeable with what to say to people in tough situations.

its hard to be someone who people look up to and only because it means you have the responsibility to be there for them when they need you. I may not have all the answers, but i know that people can trust me to not sugar coat anything and just straight up tell you the truth. Sometimes hearing the truth hurts, but if I sugar coat everything and give you false hope, then im only fooling you and making u feel better about yourself for a few days, then u realize that my advice sucked.

Therefore I have decided that its either the truth or nothing at all, take it or leave it.

and know that i will be there to listen when times get tough or even when u just need to say stuff. I DO NOT JUDGE, because its not my place to.

176. finding hope in a room

The Room In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which were stretched from floor to ceiling and were seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked," I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognised the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me, as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have Yelled At My Little Brother." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done In My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes even fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my life to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each was signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realised that the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of wasted time that file represented. While I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out - its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn those cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor. I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it out. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The file with the title "People I Have Shared The Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep with sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I feel on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him! Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response, and in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively to go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally, He turned around and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes, but His was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again.He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, No," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written....…

175.hows that corazon?

really. hows that heart of urs feeling today? think about it. we put so much thought and emotion into our heads, that we tend to forget about our hearts. Today i learned something new. Im wasting my time thinking about a relationship that i have created in my head. im hurting myself and others just talking about it, and i dont wanna waste my time anymore. My friend helped me realize this, and shes 120% right. thats a tough pill to swallow. I have created and imagined what my life would be like if i "dated" this person. Im a little annoyed at myself. how could i do this? why? whats in it for me? hurt? rejection? confrontation? mostly though, what if this person finds out. theres a million "what ifs" and its getting stupid. im just frustrated. this would be so much better if this person felt the same. then i ask myself. what if? what if this person DOES? that would change everything. and now, instead of making up this thing in my head, it would be real. life.

174. or we could turn the corner safely

alright people the time has come where i legit have to sit down and think about what i want. AND seriously this time. So, i made a list of a few things that i have to do before i choose to do nothing at all. and I'll explain why. 1. Graphic Design --its apparently calling my name and thats only because im apparently so good at it. I wanna be a pastor, but ive realized that i need a back up just in case. Def praying that God provides me with another job and such to take on paying for my school, and also praying that he calls me to wherever he wants. 2. Drive. --wow so lame. by this time i could have had my full license. thats how lame i am, SO here i go people. my "n" test is pretty soon and I am taking lessons in the next week or so. this license is freedom, and i want that. 3. Move out --yes, i wanna move out. I want the freedom of hosting life group till whenever, and i want to be able to do things till whenever. Moving out is key. Praying about it though. 4. Marriage --yes, i know what you are all thinking. "but Paula u need a bf first" haha yeah i do know that. although, i wanna get married in the next 5-7 years, so anytime now God. anytime. but alas, those are the only ones of thought of at this point. im giving myself a goal of doing school by next year, getting my N by the end of next month, moving out in the next couple of years, and well, marriage is whenever i guess haha. praying.praying.praying

173. PAUSE

[Disclaimer: i paused this lame 30 day challenge that i dont feel like continuing because i have something way cooler to blog about.] Hello there world, Today I am officially ecstatic due to the fact that one of my "mentors" and personal friends has brought a world changer into this world. His name is Jacob Ray Liesch and i have been waiting for him for a really long time. When I was a kid, and i was going thru some rough stuff, Jenna took me under her wing and taught me a lot of things. Mostly to be myself, and to not conform to what the world wants me to be. She has taught me that Gods plan and purpose for my life are what really matters. I am so pumped to see how awesome Jenna is with JR. I know she's gonna be an awesome mom and she's gonna teach him lots of things, and most importantly, JR is gonna grow up with the best and most beautiful person i know! So, Congrats Jenna and Koby. You guys are awesome! and most importantly, welcome to our family JR. =]

172. cheetos and what not

15. Tell us your favorite junk food

cheetos.kitkat bars.bigfeet.

171. YC

14. Do you have siblings? Talk about them, or talk about being an only child.

i am a middle child. I have a sister named yaisa who i share a room with. (unfortunately) and i also have a brother who is 18 and i don't see very often. thats about it.

170. ha

13. Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls

the movie? funny but i hate it.

169. the one who cant be named

12. Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.



love him. i dont really understand the concept of how voldemort never actually dies. like holy, just die already. but other than that harry potter is a legend.

168. boom boom boom BAM.

11. Your top three favorite bands

numero uno. Two door Cinema Club. and guess what. they are coming. woot.

numero dos. The script. Cant live with them, and cant live without them.

numero tres. Kings of Leon. their sex is on fire.... apparently.

167. sushi

1o. Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.


i don't have pets but i used to have this 15 cent gold fish that we named "sushi" and he grew to be HUGE. he lasted about 3 years it was ridiculous.

166. NOW i know what a meme is.

o9. Favorite meme at the moment

I honestly had no idea what the heck a `meme`was until right about now. anyways, my favorite meme is rebecca blacks friday, cuz i dont know if its a joke or not.

165. the sick truth

o8. Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato? Talk about your exercise habits.

both. I try to go jogging as much as i can.

164. if i recall

o7. How you came across blogger, and how your life has changed since joining

probs just after i started using wordpress for my photography. and haha i give this website inside on the thoughts that are running through my mind. I vent, i share stories, i laugh, i listen, and i read others blogs too. I love it and blogging.

163. Summer

o6. Your favorite season, and why

sun all day.tanning.camping.adventure.open road.friends.kids camp.flowers.weddings.beaches.bbq.boating.stargazing.no snow.

what more could u ask for?

162. love these

o5. Tell us your three favorite colors

TEAL.RED.GREEN

thats it.

take it or leave it.

161. too many to count

o4. Write about your closest friend(s).

oh hey there. I feel as though all my friends know that i appreciate them lots in many different ways. I mean i dont think there has been a time when i havent really sat down to tell u guys how much you mean to me whether it be personally or thru text or skype. Anyways, i'll just write a few sentences about all of you guys to sum it up. SO here i go.

Gabbi: you are beautiful, talented,loud, and smart and mean absolutely everything to me. I can rely on u to be there when i need ya and i love you for that. =]

Nicky: Haha i feel like i see u all the time but at the same time not enough. You my friend are a gongshow. But im so blessed to have such a role model in my life, even when u use ur straw to flick water all over the table. <-- immature ;)

Paul: Man ur like an older brother to me. Someone that i trust with my whole life, and someone who i hope will continue to encourage me to follow the things i have in my heart. Your a rad dude, and i appreciate u more than you know.

Lenny: Oh boy. You have so much in you that needs to be shown to the world. So glad that we have become tight. I can tell u anything and i know that u will keep it between us, and trust is so important. Glad ive gotten to know u better!

Edmond: u win. i lose. thats just how it is, but im so pumped that ur in my life. Ur an encourager and i value that so much. And dude you have the potential to be someone influencial and thats awesome. Keep at it.

Letitia: ur so far BUT im still glad we have our little chats here and there. I love you, and you will always be my best friend. Now stop reading this and go change the world!

Chanel: Hola. te amo y te extrano. vas a ser una buena maestra y todos te van a amar. keep believing for God to show u his purpose!

and there we have it ladies and gents. some sentences to remind u guys why i love u and value our friendships. You are amazing and im blessed to have u guys!

160. how i met your mother

o3. Your favorite television program

159. lets talk about it.

o2. Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

i have 2 piercings in each ear. thats about it although nicky was there when i got my 2nd piersing done in each year and it was a gongshow i almost cried and a 6 yr old was looking at me like i was a wuss. It was eventful to say the leasst. As far as tattoos go, i want one on my wrist, but i dont think i'll get it anytime soon. would be sweet though.

158. Eloise

o1. Your middle name, and how you feel about it

hmmm. Eloise. I remember i was in grade 1 and i wanted everyone to call me Eloise. It didnt catch on. And ever since then i have not used me middle name at all. It reminds me of that little blonde girl from "Eloise at christmas time" I am very different from her. Never liked the name, but oh well.

157. bam im doing these.

thirty-day challenge
o1. Your middle name, and how you feel about it.
o2. Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.
o3. Your favorite television program.
o4. Write about your closest friend(s).
o5. Tell us your three favorite colors.
o6. Your favorite season, and why
o7. How you came across blogger, and how your life has changed since joining.
o8. Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato? Talk about your exercise habits.
o9. Favorite meme at the moment.
1o. Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.
11. Your top three favorite bands.
12. Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.
13. Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls.
14. Do you have siblings? Talk about them, or talk about being an only child.
15. Tell us your favorite junk food.
16. Your favorite Disney Princess movie.
17. Your thoughts on Ugg boots.
18. Do you drink soda more often than milk?
19. The initials or your crush(es).
2o. Do you wear glasses? If so, what are they for?
21. Your favorite subject to study.
22. Do you play a sport? Tell us about it. If not, talk about a different hobby.
23. Your opinions on Lady Gaga.
24. Tell us about the last movie you saw in theaters.
25. Tell us about the last book you read (for leisure or for school).
26. Name one place you would love to visit one day.
27. List your three favorite girls names, boys names, and pet names.
28. Your first celebrity crush.
29. Your opinions on the television show Glee.
3o. Take a picture of yourself right now and post it.

156. random topic go!

summer is coming and well, i might as well spend it doing random things, so heres my bucket list for this upcoming summer.

camping with my bests. (PB.GT.NB.LH.EA)

--i do not camp. this is going to be interesting

epic pool parties with sweet movies to be the ending to the perfect day

--and talk during the whole movie

spend a whole day at the beach by myself

spend a whole day downtown with my girlies

bonfires at the beach

huge game of capture the flag

rent a tandum bike with lenny and hit up the seawall

go to baskin robins and ask to try every single flavour

go to yard sales ALL DAY

--i used to do this every summer. might as well bring it back

LOTS OF STAR GAZING

--one of my favorite things to do

picnics in the most random places.

BOATING

--just hang time in a sweet boat with sweet people.

take up piano

ride a ferris wheel for the first time

go to california for one week

fly a kite

playland with Madi

Science World with Edmond

--this way he can explain all the sciency things that i dont get haha