189.composure

so my last blog was a little rant with not that much detail in it at all, and thats the way i wanna keep it. Anyways i always go thru stuff and learn something from it. This time it was something that i was used to but shouldnt be used to. Last time i lost a friend because of this. I CANT handle having that happen to me again. ever. soo theres gonna be a little chat where i lay everything on the table. im actually looking forward to it. it shall be so good to get this stuff off my chest.

188. rant rant rant rant rant

heyy there. if u dont wanna read it dont. i dont give a crap.
im just frustrated and i have NO reason to be. this is the place where i reveal all the things i want to. today was a crap day. stuff was said, tears were shed, and im hiding behind my smile one more time. life.

187. planted like a tree

I was about 5 when I started attending Relate Church. I’m 19 now and ever since the first day I walked into those doors, I never looked back. I ran into those doors just waiting to want to leave because the first church I went to was all Spanish and was so boring for me, but my first experience there was nothing short of perfect. I was welcomed into the class with open arms, and made friends really quickly. I remember meeting Terrence and Sterling who basically knew each other since birth, and even though I was a little girl, they included me in whatever they did. We played games and it was heaps of fun. That was the first real time that I knew I belonged.



They say that belonging comes naturally, but I think that it takes people and a grounded place to belong. I know that without being planted, my life wouldn’t be where it is today. I have had so many highs in the church, and also so many lows. I’ve been raised not only by my parents, but by so many other people. I feel as though I belong to a community of parents and people willing to invest in my life. I know that if my mom isn’t present when I make a mistake, that there are other people that will be there to stick by my side. It’s a home where I can go without having the worry of belonging. There is no judgement, only love.



So, this is why I stay. I have found a love. A love of people, community, and of course, Jesus. The people in my life that have invested and continue investing in it, are people that I have grown to love and cherish with all I have. They have been there in my crappy times, and in my awesome times. They’ve been there when I needed someone to listen and when I needed to listen to someone. They don’t hold back on telling me if I am ever wrong and I love that. I am confident that the people I have now like, Gabbi, Nicky, Paul and Edmond, are people that will stay in my life for a lifetime. If I’m willing to invest in them, I know that they are willing to invest in me.



So I am thankful for all I have been given and all the things I have received from Relate, the people-teachings-pastors-friends-family-life groups-youth and most importantly, my relationship with Jesus. I stay because I want to invest, and be an example. I’m sure that other churches are just as awesome as ours, but it doesn’t matter because this is where I am planted, and where Jesus wanted to plant me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to grow the kingdom of Jesus, and I pray that you are willing too.

186. willing

so our church gave us the awesome chance to have an hour of prayer. This hour was meant to teach us how to pray and stretch us in our prayer lives while also praying for our new church building. i went in there thinking that i was just gonna pray and then it would be done. BUT the outcome was just overwhelming.

At first Monica and I walked in and did communion together. It was a little awkward at first but then we decided to just hit up the "nations" side. This is where i balled. i wept thru this whole thing. There was a interactive thing where you picked one red pin to place on a map where it showed ur heritage, and then there was a green pin to place on the map where u think God has called you. My green pin went straight to SPAIN. Ive known for a while that i needed to be in ministry, and ive also been given the revelation that i need to hit up spain, but ive always just been "iffy" about it. I have felt for a long time that i needed a sign.

anyways, this was a challenging thing for me cuz i know that there is a lot that i still need to learn, but i kept praying and writing things that were on my heart, and "be willing" was just that. Words to live by. inspiring words to live by for that matter. so awesome. I am always so continually blessed by the words given to me.

i loved it.

185. let me tell you a story

so yesterday, i had the awesome privilege to hang with some rad peeps. Gabs Paul and Edmond. It was swell. we did a few things here and a few things there. Like eat for example. Gabs and I had the choice of watching a movie or eating first, so we should to eat, and since we chose, Paul and Edmond had to choose where we ate. It was awesome. Paul didn't like the responsibility BUT in the end we all agreed on Red Robins. It was great chatting time for sure. After that we chilled at Gabbi's house where they decided to play Risk, which i could care less for since i don't really know how to play at all, so i decided to be lame and chill on my phone for what felt like forever. It was entertaining to say the least. Gabs kept getting mad cuz Edmond kept taking her territory. ha. anyways then we went and saw Fast5. It was awesome. Such a good movie. Long. But good.
and that was just the beginning of my day. We went to Edmond's house to pick up some stuff for lg, and it was swell. I love his family! they're so fun! anyways hah we then hit up Life Group and there was a total of 29 of us. good times. Giant game of red rover. brilliance.

so that is all.