Alright.
I am currently on the "led on" boat which basically has consumed my mind since I have left. This boat has held a lot of emotions for me. One day I'm happy because I am aware that something might happen, and the next day this boat is sinking. I put too much thought and effort into all the relationships that I have whether it be with my family, my friends, and my co workers. This specific boat has led me to believe that maybe, just maybe for once, someone may feel the same way for me as I do for them. This boat has proven itself to suck so bad. I want to be on the dating train that leads to marriage island. I want to be happy. I want to be able to go to my thinking spot and not have an awkward attachment to it because of who I decided to share it with. I want to be able to hang out with his family and not have it be awkward. I want to be able to text or call him without having feelings for him. I want all these things but mostly, I want space. Every time something like this happens I need space. Hense one of the reasons why I moved to Alberta in the first place. For space. Space to clear my thoughts and come Back refreshed and with a new attitude towards things. Space to legit be able to think without having someone Or something hold me back and question me.
Gah. Seriously right now. I wish I didn't have feelings sometimes. Because feelings lead to thoughts and thoughts lead to having your heart be vulnerable. and that's the state I'm in. Vulnerability.
I hate it.
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