197. i cant

i am at a stupid point in my life where i care too much about people, to let them live their lives the way that they're living them. I know that its a "learning process" for a lot of people, but i think its stupid. Let me tell you people why. This is my theory: If you grow up knowing what you believe and standing in faith that Gods plans for you are legit, then WHY do you have to go through a "phase" of drinking and smoking? I dont get it. as much as i try to, i dont. I know that everryone has a choice to make about stupid stuff like that, but WHY cant you choose to do the right thing. seriously. I know first hand the hardships of life. My parents got divorced. thats tough stuff, and i tell my life group girls that i had a choice to make at that time. That choice could have been to follow the worldly things like drinking and partying, or to follow Gods plans for me, and i obvs chose to stay planted in church. so i dont get it. You grow up in a healthy home, u really know who you are and STILL you decide to do these things. I know its just a "season" but seriously,this season needs to hurry the crap up and be over, so that the people you are hurting can stop hurting. So that I can stop hurting. I need out of our friendships for real. i'll pray for you, but really at this point, im over it and im done with you.

196. done

Im Done.

 I dont care anymore, and if someone tells me stuff about something you did,

and it doesnt come from your mouth, im ignoring it.

Im NOT wasting anymore of my time.

figure your crap out and then talk to me.

195. seasons

i just want this season in my life to be over. seriously. Im so sick and tired of feeling like this. In all honesty, i have NEVER in my whole life felt this crappy EVER. i just want things to go back to how they used to be. I just want my friends back.

194. life.

I feel like I've written a post called "life" before. But alas, here i go.

it all started when i turned 20. [this was last week.]

Let me tell you people something, i am a real feelings kind of person. when I'm really pumped about something you know, when I'm sad you know, when i don't want to talk, you know. You can always look at me and see my feelings. BUT if you know me really well, you know exactly what I'm feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything, but when something happens that I'm not used to i bottle it up.

So, lets back track to the day after my birthday. So I'm 20. And if you saw my last post, you know my feelings about turning 20. i was worried, yet excited. But alas, the day after my birthday i worked, since well that's what i do. i had a visitor that day. And if you know me at all, you know that life has been tough especially with my parents. I'm not saying i have bad parents, because I'm not. I'm actually grateful to have parents because i know people who don't and they have a rough time. But anyways, this visitor turned out to be my dad. If you know my situation at all, you know that i haven't seen my dad for more than 2 min in about 3 or 4 years. So, lets make a scenario out of this. You're at work, then all of a sudden someone tells you that there's someone wanting to see you, and right away you assume its one of your friends. Then you come out of the back room and BOOM your stomach drops, you feel nauseous, and you freeze. The person who you least expected is standing in front of you. What do u feel? scared? anxious? nervous? did u feel like crying?

Let me tell you people. I felt all of those + 1000 more feelings at the same time. It was awkward. i didnt know what to do, or say for that matter. I mean i went up to him and we hugged and he said happy birthday like the right thing to do, and we talked for about 10 min. He seemed sincere, but in the back of my mind im thinking 'uhhh what the crap are you doing here?' It was bad. When i say bad, im sugar coating the amount of bad it was. I felt like i couldnt hold a conversation with him because i hadnt seen him in a long time. It was stressful and hard. Let me tell you people what happened next. So he hugs me and says goodbye because obviously im working and i need to actually work, and then i look at krystal [my co-worker] and run to the back. I wept. like a baby. it was hard. probably one of the hardest things ever.

So, that was the start to a bad week. Then I got sick. I NEVER get sick ever. So when im sick, im actually dying. This brought sucky days, and is still bringing sucky days, because lets face it, i feel like death. I somehow convinced myself that i had strep throat when in reality i was just dying of a head cold. To top this stuff off, ive been trying to hang with my best friend for the past 2 or 3 weeks and something always happens. It makes me angry but feeling like death wont help the situation.

But anyways this leads me to last night. the worst day of them all. i fight with my mom. whenever we fight, it escalates into so much more than the topic we start off with. this time it was about finances, and the ortho having to take off my braces because my treatment cant be finished and just a whole bunch of crap. then it escalates into life, my dad, me moving, school, everything. It was rough. i sat there weeping. When i say weeping i mean legit tears rolling down my face non stop. It was hard stuff. But yenno what? i got my point across and so did my mom. we figured stuff out. She found out stuff that i didnt tell anyone. She found out my heart. and for once that felt good. we were on the same page. Im not saying we are never gonna fight again, because thats life, but i know it feels good to let stuff air out.

I've also had to deal with some crappy situations in my friends lives this past week. Dont get me wrong, i dont hate dealing with this stuff, i hate the fact that i cant do anything to fix it. Lets be realistic here people. Some of my friends have broken up with people this week, and i honestly wish i could tell them the right  stuff, and how to deal with it, but realistically speaking i have never been in that situation, because i have never dated. So im thinking "God, what the crap man? why? why am I the one you're using to speak into these girls' lives? i dont know this stuff. i dont know what to do or say or pray or whatever! im not made for this! GOD WHY?!" But then i realize, that if it wasnt for God, i wouldnt be in these people's lives to begin with. i wouldnt know what to say to make things ok. and you know what, ive realized that i dont have all the answers. God does. He uses me to speak LIFE into the people around me whether or not i know whats going on. He uses me because he knows my potential and he knows my life and how i can help people. He uses me because he TRUSTS me. and you know what, I trust him too. Whether or not i know how to handle a situation, or not, its all God. fo realz.

so you know what people, i know sometimes life is tough. trust me, if you read this you know. But if we keep bottling up all the crap we go through we are never going to let it go. I learned this the hard way. I wasted 4 years of my life bottling up stuff that needed to not have a hold on my heart. So i challenge you. Whats something you need to let go of? and when you know what that is, let it go. Not just "im gonna let it go for a week and then remember it and make myself miserable again" but for real. Let it go. When you let it go, everything feels so much better. Trust me.

and while we are at it, Thanks Becca, Nicky and Sam for being there for me this week. You dont even know how much you guys have helped me out. SO grateful for you guys! Gods potential is huge on your lives. pursue him with all you have, and continue to be the best friends you can be. LOVE you guys fo realz.

-Paula

193. 2 decades old

 how i feel about turning 20 is probs different than how anyone else felt. Hope u either laugh or just laugh at my awkwardness. :)

192. life to the fullest

For once in my life, i am so content with where i am.

let me tell you why.

this past weekend we had our very first "encounter leaders retreat" up in squamish. So, the whole week before i was getting super pumped cuz well, everyone that i know and Love were coming up with me. i knew that going into this i wanted my life to be changed. SO anyways i head up there with the best crew ever. Taelor and Alex, and Melissa and then Becca and Nicky, so u know that this is gonna be a gongshow. So we're driving up listening to Cd's that i labeled "Legit 1, Legit 2 and Legit 3" and to say the least, they were actually legit. We're having a party in the car on the way up. It was swell. Then i get a text from Gabbi saying that we have the best room ever. 3 of my best friends. Gabbi, Nicky,Taelor and myself. Can u say GONGSHOW. Like holy, can this day get any better.
So anyways we finally get there, and its beautiful. breathtaking to say the least. We check in and walk into our room and boom. A king sized bed, 2 TV's a whole kitchen a laundry machine and dryer, a dishwasher a balcony and even a table. It was stocked with everything u could potentially want in your own house. I could literally live there. Then i got so excited. This in my head was gonna be the best day ever. So we go up the elevator to meet up with the rest of our crew, and it was sweet. had a meeting then chilled. Then everyone wanted to grab some food so we all decided on sushi. Jesse threw me his car keys and told me to drive up to sushi, cuz he wanted to go in edmonds buggy. I dont have a license people. but my head was saying no and my mouth was saying yes, so alas. driving in jesse's car up the street. gongshow. haha
OH YEAH the best part ever... NOT. a rumor started that both me and sylvain were dating eachother. woot. best rumor ever.
So we are at sushi and sylvain is sitting beside me and people are just fueling that rumor. its getting me angry, but alas whatever. then we head to the store and buy stuff to make chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream. The guys are jealous and its gonna be great.

then we just chill for a bit and head up to the conference room for whats gonna be an epic night of worship and a sweet word from Koby. When i say epic, its an understatement of the awesomeness that it was. I got to see everyone be vunerable. Even the grade 12's stepped it up. I got to see Matt (nicky's bro) step it up and give God his all in worship. mind blowing. I got to see Braeden and brendyn and sylvain and Becca just feel how much God loves them. It was so cool to just be in that room with 25 of the raddest people i know. Then Koby had his msg time and at the end he got some leaders to pray with us about everything and anything. Thats where i decided that it was time to just give it to God. I went up to Jenna and just told her that i wanted to forgive my dad and just move on. Then she told me something that just blew me away. I personally know that i am called to be a pastor. I know my heart is in ministry, so Jenna told me that she was praying for me during worship and God told her that i would be in ministry. BOOM. REASSURANCE. right then and there i was broken in an awesome way. so i get prayed for and life goes on, and i turn around and see becca WEEPING. i have never seen her in that state before, but i knew i needed to pray for her so i did, and in that moment i felt like her life just changed. it was so awesome.

hmmm then after that we went and worked out in their gym, as a joke, and everyone went swimming and it was fun. Then taelor and i decided to go back and bake cookies, and turns out we had the most hilarious party ever in our room by ourselves. You people would have peed urselves if u saw us dancing haha. we threw in everything from the lawnmower to the sprinkler. SO FUN. then i figured out that i have no idea how to bake, so i just wung it. it was swell. those cookies were awesome and all the boys had one haha. then the real party happened. every girl came into our room and we just chilled. so funny. Nicky then baked 2 HUGE cookies and we put icecream on them and ate it.BEST EVER. just imagine, one giant cookie and 10 girls.

then people decided to go to bed which left the dudes playing man hunt outside and the girls chillin in my room for a bit. Then once nicky cleaned she peaced to go stargaze and brendyn and Jesse came to have some ice cream and we watched Sister Act 2 for a bit then they peaced and me gabs and taelor watched it for another bit and gabs decided to go to bed, so i went and hung out with paul and just chatted for a while. then as i was going to bed a get a msg from sylvain saying he's outside my door, and yea i had to go say night. it was swell haha.

then the next morning we all woke up and me and taelor and alex snuck out to grab some starbucks. It was a good time. Then we had another meeting and yeah from then on it was home time. we checked out, said peace to some peeps, me jesse matt and joel went in one car, braeden brendyn and jonny in another, yaisa and edmond in his buggy, joe raelene and melissa in the last car and we headed down to vancouver. it was fun times we got lost for like an hour but in the end the food was pretty worth it. then we split from matt braeden jonny raelene joe and melissa, and the rest of us went to h&m. it was awesome. then edmond had to peace so me yaisa jesse joel and brendyn hit up metrotown. SO FUN. shopped for a really long time, had some awesome times in the arcade, it was an overall awesome day.

so anyways the next day we had 5 night. legit the best night ever.

but now back to why i am so content where i am. I finally found a peace with my life, i have the best friends in the whole world. Ive seen everyone open up and accept Jesus for all he's gonna do in their lives, ive felt a stirring in my heart for ministry, ive grown closer to people i wouldnt have before, and overall, i am more in love with Jesus than ever before.
oh and i got a secret bf. ;) haha

191.I LOVE NICKY BROUGHTON!

NICKY BROUGHTON IS THE BESTEST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.She is the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
There is no one else I would want for my a best friend.

There is this girl named Nicky
She really isn't picky
This is why she is grand
Makes me wants to start a band.
I would never betray her,
Of this I am sure.

Her face is as pretty as the stars,

For her I would fly to Mars.

I would catch a Grenade for her

Throw my hands on a blade for her

I'd jump in front of a train for her

I would do anything for her

Because she is a Firework

She can be your Hero

Baby

You know if one day you wake up and you're missing her

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth she can be

Thinking maybe you'll go back there to the place where you met

You will see her waiting for you on the corner of the street

Cause she's not moving

No She's not moving

If you could see, she's the one that understands me

She's been here all along, so why can't I see

She is be best friend ever

Imma tell you one time

And I was like Nicky Nicky nicky oh

Like Nicky Nicky Nicky yes

Like Nicky Nicky Nicky oh

I thought that she would always be mine

I LOVE NICKY

SHE IS THE BESTEST

190.boat.beach.legends.park

so this past week has been one of the best weeks of my life. I loved every second of it so im gonna fill you guys in on what the haps was.

my awesome friend marnie invited me and about 12 other of our really close friends onto her yacht to help her celebrate her birthday. At this point im pumped cuz i have never really been on an adventure such as this before. SO finally friday approaches and i was so excited. i kept going up to yaisa and saying "Hey yaisa we get to go on a boat today!!" and she kept telling me to calm down haha. typical. But anyways we meet up with the awesome Gabbi and then head to the church where we are greeted by some awesome peeps. Then Sam and Dan roll around wearing nothing less of the same outfit, which was the perfect thing to make fun of them for. Good times haha but anyways then we start heading out blasting what i would like to call "a paula mix" in marnies car as we trecked all the way to ladner. It was so funny because as soon as we hit ladner there was this roundabout and marnie decided to be funny and have everyone follow her around the roundabout and didnt look up as we almost got hit by a car. haha that made us laugh even more. But alas we get to the boat and as soon as i see it i start cracking up because it is called nothing other then "Marnie-J" sheer brilliance.

Then we get on and i break into "im on a boat." Mario wasnt impressed but whatever haha. So we chilled for a long time, had some sweet chats, tanned a bit and then docked at this awesome place. We then had this awesome pizza from the cutest little shop. Oh and then we square danced and that was so fun! after that we hit up this awesome music shop with like a bazillion cd's. Then we headed back onto the boat and went on mini rides in the little boat. we hit waves like it was no ones business and i have a huge bruise to prove it. that lasted for a couple of hours. It was really fun. good times that day.

within the next few days i had the opportunity of going to the beach with leanna and having a blast. Paul joined us later on and we had ice cream together and paul tried to catch little fish. It was just a chill time. I love hanging with 2 of my best friends. pretty sure im close to being black. yup thats how tan i apparently am. woot.

then the day after both Edmond and I hosted another Combined Life Group where there were 19 of us hanging out and eating and chatting. Then we all went to the park right outside the Wrayz house and played a little bit of soccer and football and grounders. It was an awesome hangout time. We had Myself Sterling Edmond Paul Leanna and Nicky just chillin and hanging out with a whole bunch of world changers. Then we got Brittani a cake and well i caked her face. it was awesome haha. Then we just sat on their back deck and made up songs, and tristan and sterling were trying to pass out. haha it was interesting to sya the least. BUT i LOVE life group.

THEN the day after that both Leanna and I went on an adventure where we hit up a park and took some pics, to later find out it's actually a dog park. It was so fun though.

it was one of the best weeks of my life.

189.composure

so my last blog was a little rant with not that much detail in it at all, and thats the way i wanna keep it. Anyways i always go thru stuff and learn something from it. This time it was something that i was used to but shouldnt be used to. Last time i lost a friend because of this. I CANT handle having that happen to me again. ever. soo theres gonna be a little chat where i lay everything on the table. im actually looking forward to it. it shall be so good to get this stuff off my chest.

188. rant rant rant rant rant

heyy there. if u dont wanna read it dont. i dont give a crap.
im just frustrated and i have NO reason to be. this is the place where i reveal all the things i want to. today was a crap day. stuff was said, tears were shed, and im hiding behind my smile one more time. life.

187. planted like a tree

I was about 5 when I started attending Relate Church. I’m 19 now and ever since the first day I walked into those doors, I never looked back. I ran into those doors just waiting to want to leave because the first church I went to was all Spanish and was so boring for me, but my first experience there was nothing short of perfect. I was welcomed into the class with open arms, and made friends really quickly. I remember meeting Terrence and Sterling who basically knew each other since birth, and even though I was a little girl, they included me in whatever they did. We played games and it was heaps of fun. That was the first real time that I knew I belonged.



They say that belonging comes naturally, but I think that it takes people and a grounded place to belong. I know that without being planted, my life wouldn’t be where it is today. I have had so many highs in the church, and also so many lows. I’ve been raised not only by my parents, but by so many other people. I feel as though I belong to a community of parents and people willing to invest in my life. I know that if my mom isn’t present when I make a mistake, that there are other people that will be there to stick by my side. It’s a home where I can go without having the worry of belonging. There is no judgement, only love.



So, this is why I stay. I have found a love. A love of people, community, and of course, Jesus. The people in my life that have invested and continue investing in it, are people that I have grown to love and cherish with all I have. They have been there in my crappy times, and in my awesome times. They’ve been there when I needed someone to listen and when I needed to listen to someone. They don’t hold back on telling me if I am ever wrong and I love that. I am confident that the people I have now like, Gabbi, Nicky, Paul and Edmond, are people that will stay in my life for a lifetime. If I’m willing to invest in them, I know that they are willing to invest in me.



So I am thankful for all I have been given and all the things I have received from Relate, the people-teachings-pastors-friends-family-life groups-youth and most importantly, my relationship with Jesus. I stay because I want to invest, and be an example. I’m sure that other churches are just as awesome as ours, but it doesn’t matter because this is where I am planted, and where Jesus wanted to plant me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to grow the kingdom of Jesus, and I pray that you are willing too.

186. willing

so our church gave us the awesome chance to have an hour of prayer. This hour was meant to teach us how to pray and stretch us in our prayer lives while also praying for our new church building. i went in there thinking that i was just gonna pray and then it would be done. BUT the outcome was just overwhelming.

At first Monica and I walked in and did communion together. It was a little awkward at first but then we decided to just hit up the "nations" side. This is where i balled. i wept thru this whole thing. There was a interactive thing where you picked one red pin to place on a map where it showed ur heritage, and then there was a green pin to place on the map where u think God has called you. My green pin went straight to SPAIN. Ive known for a while that i needed to be in ministry, and ive also been given the revelation that i need to hit up spain, but ive always just been "iffy" about it. I have felt for a long time that i needed a sign.

anyways, this was a challenging thing for me cuz i know that there is a lot that i still need to learn, but i kept praying and writing things that were on my heart, and "be willing" was just that. Words to live by. inspiring words to live by for that matter. so awesome. I am always so continually blessed by the words given to me.

i loved it.

185. let me tell you a story

so yesterday, i had the awesome privilege to hang with some rad peeps. Gabs Paul and Edmond. It was swell. we did a few things here and a few things there. Like eat for example. Gabs and I had the choice of watching a movie or eating first, so we should to eat, and since we chose, Paul and Edmond had to choose where we ate. It was awesome. Paul didn't like the responsibility BUT in the end we all agreed on Red Robins. It was great chatting time for sure. After that we chilled at Gabbi's house where they decided to play Risk, which i could care less for since i don't really know how to play at all, so i decided to be lame and chill on my phone for what felt like forever. It was entertaining to say the least. Gabs kept getting mad cuz Edmond kept taking her territory. ha. anyways then we went and saw Fast5. It was awesome. Such a good movie. Long. But good.
and that was just the beginning of my day. We went to Edmond's house to pick up some stuff for lg, and it was swell. I love his family! they're so fun! anyways hah we then hit up Life Group and there was a total of 29 of us. good times. Giant game of red rover. brilliance.

so that is all.

184. lets sail away

so im redecorating my room and making my own decor. here are some of the prints im gonna blow up and put on my wall. made by urs truly.

183. seriously

honestly, i wish i was more creative.

like really, I think that when i write

i am pretty creative, but alas i do not

know. Also, i cant draw to save my life

but i mean not everyone can be as

talented as lets say Picasso or Leonardo.

geez. While we are at it, i have come up

with some ideas to make my side of the room

awesome. Nautical theme for the win.

so so fun. I got an awesome jewelry holder

from the states and i am in LOVE with it.

i'll take a picture of it later. but for now,

i'm gonna post other blogs.

182. bright lights

so i havent blogged in a while cuz well i have nothing to blog about, yet again. BUT i'll fill you in on whats been happening in my neck of the woods. I have recently joined the worship team as u know from a couple post ago. Its SO fun. I love it. and hmmm other than that just the usual work hang church. Wildfire has been awesome in the past few weeks with an attendance of 104 last week. Thats pretty sweet. I've also found time to hang with people i dont normally hang with so thats been awesome.

Yesterday i went to the states and it was swell, I had a bunch of fun. went to ROSS and i picked up a dress to wear to Ricardo and Patricia's wedding this upcoming saturday. im pretty pumped for it. Also picked up some sweet clothes. Then went to the mall and target where everything was switched around cuz they're renovating or something, but they had some sweet stuff so i also bought stuff there. Starburst has Jelly beans people! right!? who would have thought. Its too bad im on a fast cuz man im dying to eat some. Then we went to "Mi Mexico" against my will. theres a story behind why i avoid it. let me recap. [went there when Chanel was still here and she dared me to leave my number to the server so i did and we lefft not thinking that he would text us back at all cuz well, why would he. Anyways he texted me and it was wierd. I never went there again since then and that was like last august.] anyways haha i was so paranoid that he'd pop up outta no where and recognize me, so i sat at the farthest end closest to the window and made sure that Yaisa sat beside me covering me just in case. It was intense. Turns out he wasnt working that day. phewww.... but yes after that we hit up cost cutters to pick up some Peace Tea for well Pauls Gabs Nicks Lens Eds and myself obvs. it was swell. OH and i also picked up some coconut water cuz apparently its really good for you. (not a very awesome flavor but well, it does the job)

yes, that is about all the excitement that i have had in the past few weeks.

181.Whose Hands?

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGuire’s hands is worth $19 million.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venus Williams’ hands is a Wimbledon Championship.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy.
A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

Two fish and five loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and five loaves of bread in God’s hands will feed thousands.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.

As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in. So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families and your relationships in God’s Hands because … it depends on Whose Hands it’s in.

180. Confidence is Key

so today i got up and ended up going to worship practice. For me singing is something i like to keep to myself. I know i am capable of singing but i know that there's always someone way better than I am. Sometimes I mess up the words, or i'm too flat or too sharp, but there's always room for improvement. Anyways, today ii got to chill with a bunch of sweet worshipers and it was sweet. I was a little nervous knowing that i would eventually have to sing in front of ppl, but i didnt know that that day was today. After about an hour and a half of practicing, we finally got together and played the songs as a team. It was sweet. THEN it was my turn to lead the song. i have never been more nervous in my life. it was scary but once i got over it, i was good. Ends up i did pretty well for my first time. AWESOME. it was a lot of fun.

179. I M SORRY

im sorry that i cant do the things u want me to. im sorry i cant be out late. sorry my mom cares too much sometimes. im sorry if it sucks for you that i cant hang. trust me it sucks for me too. Im sorry i cant afford to do all the things u want me too. Life's not fair. especially mine. now lets get over it and move on.

178. sail away

so recently i have gotten a lot into nautical themed things, especially things like sailboats and anchors andd even the wheel thing on a boat. (clearly i dont know what it's called) anyways, i was looking up some sweet things that i would want and yeah here they are. all at www.etsy.com

I was so tempted to bu this one but it was $75 bucks ^

177. wisdom in the all knowing

i would like to think that i am pretty smart. i may not be intelligent in things like sports, politics or physics, or even math. BUT i would like to think that i have enough wisdom to take the time to think about what i say before i say it.

Im pretty knowledgeable with things like street smarts and all that jazz, but lately i have been given the opportunity to be knowledgeable with what to say to people in tough situations.

its hard to be someone who people look up to and only because it means you have the responsibility to be there for them when they need you. I may not have all the answers, but i know that people can trust me to not sugar coat anything and just straight up tell you the truth. Sometimes hearing the truth hurts, but if I sugar coat everything and give you false hope, then im only fooling you and making u feel better about yourself for a few days, then u realize that my advice sucked.

Therefore I have decided that its either the truth or nothing at all, take it or leave it.

and know that i will be there to listen when times get tough or even when u just need to say stuff. I DO NOT JUDGE, because its not my place to.

176. finding hope in a room

The Room In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which were stretched from floor to ceiling and were seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked," I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognised the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me, as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have Yelled At My Little Brother." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done In My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes even fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my life to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each was signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realised that the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of wasted time that file represented. While I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out - its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn those cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor. I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it out. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The file with the title "People I Have Shared The Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep with sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I feel on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him! Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response, and in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively to go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally, He turned around and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes, but His was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again.He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, No," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written....…

175.hows that corazon?

really. hows that heart of urs feeling today? think about it. we put so much thought and emotion into our heads, that we tend to forget about our hearts. Today i learned something new. Im wasting my time thinking about a relationship that i have created in my head. im hurting myself and others just talking about it, and i dont wanna waste my time anymore. My friend helped me realize this, and shes 120% right. thats a tough pill to swallow. I have created and imagined what my life would be like if i "dated" this person. Im a little annoyed at myself. how could i do this? why? whats in it for me? hurt? rejection? confrontation? mostly though, what if this person finds out. theres a million "what ifs" and its getting stupid. im just frustrated. this would be so much better if this person felt the same. then i ask myself. what if? what if this person DOES? that would change everything. and now, instead of making up this thing in my head, it would be real. life.

174. or we could turn the corner safely

alright people the time has come where i legit have to sit down and think about what i want. AND seriously this time. So, i made a list of a few things that i have to do before i choose to do nothing at all. and I'll explain why. 1. Graphic Design --its apparently calling my name and thats only because im apparently so good at it. I wanna be a pastor, but ive realized that i need a back up just in case. Def praying that God provides me with another job and such to take on paying for my school, and also praying that he calls me to wherever he wants. 2. Drive. --wow so lame. by this time i could have had my full license. thats how lame i am, SO here i go people. my "n" test is pretty soon and I am taking lessons in the next week or so. this license is freedom, and i want that. 3. Move out --yes, i wanna move out. I want the freedom of hosting life group till whenever, and i want to be able to do things till whenever. Moving out is key. Praying about it though. 4. Marriage --yes, i know what you are all thinking. "but Paula u need a bf first" haha yeah i do know that. although, i wanna get married in the next 5-7 years, so anytime now God. anytime. but alas, those are the only ones of thought of at this point. im giving myself a goal of doing school by next year, getting my N by the end of next month, moving out in the next couple of years, and well, marriage is whenever i guess haha. praying.praying.praying

173. PAUSE

[Disclaimer: i paused this lame 30 day challenge that i dont feel like continuing because i have something way cooler to blog about.] Hello there world, Today I am officially ecstatic due to the fact that one of my "mentors" and personal friends has brought a world changer into this world. His name is Jacob Ray Liesch and i have been waiting for him for a really long time. When I was a kid, and i was going thru some rough stuff, Jenna took me under her wing and taught me a lot of things. Mostly to be myself, and to not conform to what the world wants me to be. She has taught me that Gods plan and purpose for my life are what really matters. I am so pumped to see how awesome Jenna is with JR. I know she's gonna be an awesome mom and she's gonna teach him lots of things, and most importantly, JR is gonna grow up with the best and most beautiful person i know! So, Congrats Jenna and Koby. You guys are awesome! and most importantly, welcome to our family JR. =]

172. cheetos and what not

15. Tell us your favorite junk food

cheetos.kitkat bars.bigfeet.

171. YC

14. Do you have siblings? Talk about them, or talk about being an only child.

i am a middle child. I have a sister named yaisa who i share a room with. (unfortunately) and i also have a brother who is 18 and i don't see very often. thats about it.

170. ha

13. Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls

the movie? funny but i hate it.

169. the one who cant be named

12. Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.



love him. i dont really understand the concept of how voldemort never actually dies. like holy, just die already. but other than that harry potter is a legend.

168. boom boom boom BAM.

11. Your top three favorite bands

numero uno. Two door Cinema Club. and guess what. they are coming. woot.

numero dos. The script. Cant live with them, and cant live without them.

numero tres. Kings of Leon. their sex is on fire.... apparently.

167. sushi

1o. Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.


i don't have pets but i used to have this 15 cent gold fish that we named "sushi" and he grew to be HUGE. he lasted about 3 years it was ridiculous.

166. NOW i know what a meme is.

o9. Favorite meme at the moment

I honestly had no idea what the heck a `meme`was until right about now. anyways, my favorite meme is rebecca blacks friday, cuz i dont know if its a joke or not.

165. the sick truth

o8. Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato? Talk about your exercise habits.

both. I try to go jogging as much as i can.

164. if i recall

o7. How you came across blogger, and how your life has changed since joining

probs just after i started using wordpress for my photography. and haha i give this website inside on the thoughts that are running through my mind. I vent, i share stories, i laugh, i listen, and i read others blogs too. I love it and blogging.

163. Summer

o6. Your favorite season, and why

sun all day.tanning.camping.adventure.open road.friends.kids camp.flowers.weddings.beaches.bbq.boating.stargazing.no snow.

what more could u ask for?

162. love these

o5. Tell us your three favorite colors

TEAL.RED.GREEN

thats it.

take it or leave it.

161. too many to count

o4. Write about your closest friend(s).

oh hey there. I feel as though all my friends know that i appreciate them lots in many different ways. I mean i dont think there has been a time when i havent really sat down to tell u guys how much you mean to me whether it be personally or thru text or skype. Anyways, i'll just write a few sentences about all of you guys to sum it up. SO here i go.

Gabbi: you are beautiful, talented,loud, and smart and mean absolutely everything to me. I can rely on u to be there when i need ya and i love you for that. =]

Nicky: Haha i feel like i see u all the time but at the same time not enough. You my friend are a gongshow. But im so blessed to have such a role model in my life, even when u use ur straw to flick water all over the table. <-- immature ;)

Paul: Man ur like an older brother to me. Someone that i trust with my whole life, and someone who i hope will continue to encourage me to follow the things i have in my heart. Your a rad dude, and i appreciate u more than you know.

Lenny: Oh boy. You have so much in you that needs to be shown to the world. So glad that we have become tight. I can tell u anything and i know that u will keep it between us, and trust is so important. Glad ive gotten to know u better!

Edmond: u win. i lose. thats just how it is, but im so pumped that ur in my life. Ur an encourager and i value that so much. And dude you have the potential to be someone influencial and thats awesome. Keep at it.

Letitia: ur so far BUT im still glad we have our little chats here and there. I love you, and you will always be my best friend. Now stop reading this and go change the world!

Chanel: Hola. te amo y te extrano. vas a ser una buena maestra y todos te van a amar. keep believing for God to show u his purpose!

and there we have it ladies and gents. some sentences to remind u guys why i love u and value our friendships. You are amazing and im blessed to have u guys!

160. how i met your mother

o3. Your favorite television program

159. lets talk about it.

o2. Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

i have 2 piercings in each ear. thats about it although nicky was there when i got my 2nd piersing done in each year and it was a gongshow i almost cried and a 6 yr old was looking at me like i was a wuss. It was eventful to say the leasst. As far as tattoos go, i want one on my wrist, but i dont think i'll get it anytime soon. would be sweet though.

158. Eloise

o1. Your middle name, and how you feel about it

hmmm. Eloise. I remember i was in grade 1 and i wanted everyone to call me Eloise. It didnt catch on. And ever since then i have not used me middle name at all. It reminds me of that little blonde girl from "Eloise at christmas time" I am very different from her. Never liked the name, but oh well.

157. bam im doing these.

thirty-day challenge
o1. Your middle name, and how you feel about it.
o2. Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.
o3. Your favorite television program.
o4. Write about your closest friend(s).
o5. Tell us your three favorite colors.
o6. Your favorite season, and why
o7. How you came across blogger, and how your life has changed since joining.
o8. Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato? Talk about your exercise habits.
o9. Favorite meme at the moment.
1o. Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.
11. Your top three favorite bands.
12. Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.
13. Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls.
14. Do you have siblings? Talk about them, or talk about being an only child.
15. Tell us your favorite junk food.
16. Your favorite Disney Princess movie.
17. Your thoughts on Ugg boots.
18. Do you drink soda more often than milk?
19. The initials or your crush(es).
2o. Do you wear glasses? If so, what are they for?
21. Your favorite subject to study.
22. Do you play a sport? Tell us about it. If not, talk about a different hobby.
23. Your opinions on Lady Gaga.
24. Tell us about the last movie you saw in theaters.
25. Tell us about the last book you read (for leisure or for school).
26. Name one place you would love to visit one day.
27. List your three favorite girls names, boys names, and pet names.
28. Your first celebrity crush.
29. Your opinions on the television show Glee.
3o. Take a picture of yourself right now and post it.

156. random topic go!

summer is coming and well, i might as well spend it doing random things, so heres my bucket list for this upcoming summer.

camping with my bests. (PB.GT.NB.LH.EA)

--i do not camp. this is going to be interesting

epic pool parties with sweet movies to be the ending to the perfect day

--and talk during the whole movie

spend a whole day at the beach by myself

spend a whole day downtown with my girlies

bonfires at the beach

huge game of capture the flag

rent a tandum bike with lenny and hit up the seawall

go to baskin robins and ask to try every single flavour

go to yard sales ALL DAY

--i used to do this every summer. might as well bring it back

LOTS OF STAR GAZING

--one of my favorite things to do

picnics in the most random places.

BOATING

--just hang time in a sweet boat with sweet people.

take up piano

ride a ferris wheel for the first time

go to california for one week

fly a kite

playland with Madi

Science World with Edmond

--this way he can explain all the sciency things that i dont get haha

155. go to their life group?

154. Like a kid on Christmas

Oh man. so today on like one of my only full weekends off, i decided to finally have coffee with an awesome dude Jesse. I was so pumped since well we havent had lets say one on one time in a really long time. So we end up going to starbucks and it was fulll so we grabbed some bubble tea made by a newbie being trained, and well then we sat there. Then i asked Jesse if he had seen Mike recently and well, he was like "yeah wanna go?" OH MAN was i excited! but i was also really nervous. From what i've heard, he doesnt remember everybody, so its a select few that he can really remember. Anyways at this time im like oh man i really hope he remembers me. Anyways we sign in take 4 flights of stairs and finally come up. Then we look and see that he's playing connect four with some dude, so we come up behind him and say "hey buddy". Its do or die at this moment, as im praying he remembers me and alas he goes "hey guys thanks for visiting me!" this put a huge smile on my face, and then he was like "Paula go grab a seat" I was like OHHH mann thank you Jesus. Anyways i got to play connect four against him and ohh man he's awesome at it. even though our game kept collapsing. But anyways, then i watched him play chess against jesse,which was hilarious cuz he kept saying "thank you kind sir", " thank you mamme" oh man but chess is a really skilled game so im proud to say his memory is getting way better. Then 3 of his friends came and it was funny. They brought him cookies and then we all moved over to his room cuz it had more space in order for us to chill, and well they gave him dinner, which he finished even though he complained about having to eat beets. haha It was funny trying to convince him that beets were good for him. He was like "really??" so we told him he'd have BIG muscles in the morning and he ate them. anyways then we chilled and it was awesome. His friends were sweet, and we watched anchorman with him. I looked up and he had pictures of people in his room. Glad to say that the one of us and him that reads "Mike u sexy beast" is up there. It made me smile. There were some moments when i just sat there thinking about how far he's come. Like ohh man its crazy to have seen him one day, and then in the hospital in critical condition the next, but he's improved so much and i can say that i am a million percent proud of him. AND honestly i cant help but smile. GOD is soooo GOOD. I am literally like a kid on christmas about this whole day! I can say its pretty much one of the BEST days ever. thats about it for now. Im gonna visit him again this upcoming week. =]

this is the pic in his room =]

153.oh how i wish i could hear

so pretty much these past two weeks have been a gongshow. In a good way of course. in total i have had 8 days off. 8!! thats like a week and a day without working. which means no money. which pretty much stresses me out. anyways in these 8 days that ive had off, not consecutively i might add, i have spent approx 4 days complaining about the ear infection i have, but alas these have also been a few of the best days ive ever had. Ive just gotten to relax a lot, talk to some world changers host LG for the first time and well, 2nd time, and its going awesome. I cant believe the things that i have been blessed with. Yeahh some things suck but the blessings are always something that i need to look back on. Life group for instance, who would have guessed 10 yrs ago that i would be running one? not me. but alas its been swell. Ive had the chance of seeing some of my friends even if it was for 10 min and loving every second of it, and well theres also been church thrown in there. Sunday is pretty much my favorite day, cuz i get to spend it with my friends and youth and family. its just awesome. I guess i can write a lot more but really theres nothing that interesting. so adios for now.

152. lets meet up

so yesterday i woke up having a crappy day cuz my ear hurt so bad, AND i had to go to work, which i dread. BUT anyways i get a text from one of my fav ppl in the world, edwin asking me if i was at the mall. Alas, i was on my way so he said he'd wait for me. So i had the awesome priviledge of having coffee with 2 awesome brothersm Edmond and Edwin. It was pretty much just me and edmond talking while edwin threw in the most random things, but it was awesome and made my day that much better. They put a HUGE smile on my face. =]

151.so much wisdom

150. beetles and bugs unite.

149. the cross

i am officially OVERWHELMED. theres really no way to explain it but to go a little while back and start from there.

Ok, so, a little while back i was kinda just chillin, as i always do and i remember thinking about becoming a pastor. I love to talk, lots. if you know me, this is one of the first things you learn about me. So at this point im thinking yeah this is a sweet opportunity to talk AND spread the word of Jesus to people. Little did i know that as im chillin here, God would be showing me things that I would later come to find, as one of my many purposes in this life. I can say that i have been "called" to be a pastor. This has been a big thing for me in the last little while as i have been planning the next few chapters of my life, but i didnt realize how much this would impact me until today.

Lately i have been doubting. AND if u know me, im usually the encourager, telling people that they can do whatever they set their mind to, but telling myself that i cant. Right there, not practicing what i am preaching. arg. ANYWAYS, I have been doubting my whole leaving to spain for a while now, because i have been discouraged. discouraged because well, i have no money, and also because when i think about all i have, i dont wanna leave it behind. but alas, Gods plan is bigger than my own.

So thats the background story, let me get to tonight. During worship im at the front jumping and praising Jesus with all I have, then a slow song comes on and at this point im all by myself back in my seat just praising Jesus, and i look up and see EVERY single hand in the air. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I got uber emotional and started to legit shed tears. Im thinking to myself i wish Paul, Gabbi, Nicky, Letitia, and Chanel were here. Then i stopped and thanked Jesus that they werent. I depend so much on my friends that i have been putting them first before my own creator, and thats NOT cool. I love my friends so much and I know that they would have recieved this msg greatly, but im thankful that for once, i could experience something by myself. (and its not being mean, its the truth) Tonight I learned that u need to be independant. These people arent gonna be there when i go to heaven, and face Jesus. think about that for a second. Sucks eh? So you have to be independant. Then Richard Wilkerson preached. It was AMAZING. i got so much out of it! u can say that i potentially loved it lots. anyways, he preached about following the cross. wherever the cross is we should follow it. whatever Gods calling is for our life, we should follow it with all we have. At this point im Amen-ing this guy and yelling out "awesome" , "thats good" "tru that." But what grabbed me the most was when i stopped myself and thought this: "this isnt about me anymore, its about bringing a living Jesus to a dying world." WOW. right there, is the life that needed to be spoken to me. At the end of his sermon he asked a very simple thing from us, " if you want to follow the cross, on the count of three lift ur right hand and yell out that u want to follow the cross." At this point im all like yeah i do, and then when he counted to 3, i stood up. he then called us to the front where we praised God and I listened intently to what God was saying to/ showing me. All i could see was the streets. Thru lots and lots and well, lots of tears, i found that it was a reassurance from God about what i was supposed to be doing with my life. it was AMAZING to make the decision to give it all to him, with no turning back. I am now going FULL FORCE for the things God wants me to do. I am so so so pumped to see what he has in store for me.

so, thank you Rich Wilkerson for opening ur mouth and preaching exactly what i needed to hear, and most importantly, thank you JESUS for taking my sin on that cross, and loving me unconditionally.

148. the aftermath

147. he died for u and me

JESUS

holy

today i watched the passion of the christ and oh my word was it eye opening. I dont think i have ever been so happy to be a part of the kingdom of God knowing that I am going to heaven. There is so much i can say about this movie, but i want to just let ya know that Jesus is real. Imagine the fact that one man came to this earth and taught and healed and all that jazz, and he loved us so much that even though he didnt want to, he knew that it was Gods purpose for him to take up our sin on the cross. WOW. I can legit say that i didnt weep, but i was heartbroken. There was so much that Jesus did for us and oh my word i am so blessed to have been able to grow up as a christian and even though there were times when i felt like i wasnt, God was always there for me.

Thats unconditional love.

146. i fell on jesus

145. live long and prosper buddy.

144. turning into dust

so pretty much i have been MIA for the following reasons.

• i have to much on my plate
• im always doing something
• never have anything to blog about. so so sad

anyways i have been thinking lots about life group and what i wanna get out of it, and what i want the girls to get out of itm and im excited for whats to come. I mean yeah ive done this before, but im just so pumped to see the things that God has in store for us as a life group.

there are really no words to describe my excitement. =]

143. everytime

You'll only get it if you know me well.

so, we hang out, and chill, laugh,sit together, bug, text and talk, and most importantly we enjoy doing all those things. oh life, why do u have to be so complicated?!let it happen already. gosh.

142.Exciting!

I am so flippin excited!

141. prized possession

140. wouldnt change it for the world

Yesterday, being Sunday and all, it had to be one of my busiest days. I had to oversee the childrens department at church for both services . Obviously when i do it something always goes wrong, so i had an interesting time haha. But alas church ended and i got the awesome chance to chill with my second family,which is Lisbeth Gabbi and Alex. Oh and Nicky was there too. Anyways we went to one of my favorite places ever, Langley. I cant even begin to describe to you why i love it so much. Lets just say it has culture and all that jazz. its great! anyways im getting off topic haha. We then went to a mexican/salvadorian restaurant and ate pupusas (sp?) It was awesome. I got to chill and talk in spanish haha which i rarely do cuz i feel like i have a stupid accent when i talk but alas, whatever. It was fun! Then we went to honestly one of my favorite stores in the whole wide world. VALUE VILLAGE. it should be called something like "BEST CLOTHING STORE EVER" Its awesome in there i never get to go cuz well, my mom hates it in there and cant even stand to be in there for more than 5 min. But alas my whole goal was to find an ugly sweater to wear to Leanna's ugly sweater party, and i can straight up say that i tried on at least 12 ugly sweaters. We had cart fulls of clothing from there. Another persons trash is someone else's treasure. right? Anyways i had found some beauties including 3 sweaters, 2 of them that i would wear all the time and 1 hidious one that i got for the party. I also scored some sweet shoes and a mans plaid shirt. This made me smile. I think i was like a kid on christmas. It was amazing to have all these things in my possesion. I love clothing and lately ive been getting a lot into fashion. I feel as though the floor is my closet cuz all the clothes i have wont fit in my dresser or closet. Its a fail. But anyways, after that awesome adventure i went back to church for well the highlight of my week. Wildfire. I get so excited about it everytime cuz every weeks adventure is different. sometimes i see people i havent seen in years, or at least ages. But anyways, I went there and it was pretty interesting. an old man walked in and attempted to chill with the youth. Luckily Dan was there to tell this dude that it wasnt allowed and he had to leave. It quite interesting. Then i got to see Nathan finally come to wildfire haha. It was great. I also got to hang with a world changer, Edmond, and alas like always he made fun of me. Its always an adventure with that kid. Then Koby preached a legit message and it was funny to see him so pumped on life but it was awesome. I could keep going but i should get to the hilarious part. OK so me nicks and leanna bussed it to gabs cuz we had stuff that we left in their car, and got a ride home with someone whose pretty sweet. Alas, we dropped off nicks and went to drop off Leanna and well we had a pretty sweet adventure. This fella (we are gonna call him "charles") decided to let me steer the car and he ran to the back of the car while it was still moving and then ran back to the front all in about 10 seconds. half way thru this, he ran over his own foot. it was sooooo funny. I laughed for a while after he dropped me off. It was pretty much the best highlight of our lives.

I'll put up pics later.

139. solid night

So friday night we had what i would like to call one of many first ladies nights out. This was a special occasion cuz well Leanna turned 20 and we hadnt done anything for her. So we were planning on going downtown but then i chickened out since well i mean its late and it was night time and well we'd be skytraining and bussing pretty late. Anyways, Gabbi Nicky Yaisa Leanna and I all went to Earls where we got to sit in the "lounge" and had dinner drinks and dessert. While they were talking i noticed that i didnt say anything because i thought of the fact that for once, all of us were legal and came to the realization that i had finally "grown up." To me it felt like it was just yesterday when i was a kid playing around and climbing trees and thinking boys had cooties but i still secretly wanted to hold hands with one, and building sweet forts wanting to stay there forever because it was magical. But alas, here we are me gabs nicks leanna all turning 20 this year and Yaisa turning 21. Man does time fly fast. I wonder what the next few years will bring us.

138.scrabble.

so

i

decided

to

write

6o

texts

to

leanna

cuz

she

wouldnt

start

up

a

blog

and

i

played

scrabble

all

day

it

was

epic!

done.