149. the cross

i am officially OVERWHELMED. theres really no way to explain it but to go a little while back and start from there.

Ok, so, a little while back i was kinda just chillin, as i always do and i remember thinking about becoming a pastor. I love to talk, lots. if you know me, this is one of the first things you learn about me. So at this point im thinking yeah this is a sweet opportunity to talk AND spread the word of Jesus to people. Little did i know that as im chillin here, God would be showing me things that I would later come to find, as one of my many purposes in this life. I can say that i have been "called" to be a pastor. This has been a big thing for me in the last little while as i have been planning the next few chapters of my life, but i didnt realize how much this would impact me until today.

Lately i have been doubting. AND if u know me, im usually the encourager, telling people that they can do whatever they set their mind to, but telling myself that i cant. Right there, not practicing what i am preaching. arg. ANYWAYS, I have been doubting my whole leaving to spain for a while now, because i have been discouraged. discouraged because well, i have no money, and also because when i think about all i have, i dont wanna leave it behind. but alas, Gods plan is bigger than my own.

So thats the background story, let me get to tonight. During worship im at the front jumping and praising Jesus with all I have, then a slow song comes on and at this point im all by myself back in my seat just praising Jesus, and i look up and see EVERY single hand in the air. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I got uber emotional and started to legit shed tears. Im thinking to myself i wish Paul, Gabbi, Nicky, Letitia, and Chanel were here. Then i stopped and thanked Jesus that they werent. I depend so much on my friends that i have been putting them first before my own creator, and thats NOT cool. I love my friends so much and I know that they would have recieved this msg greatly, but im thankful that for once, i could experience something by myself. (and its not being mean, its the truth) Tonight I learned that u need to be independant. These people arent gonna be there when i go to heaven, and face Jesus. think about that for a second. Sucks eh? So you have to be independant. Then Richard Wilkerson preached. It was AMAZING. i got so much out of it! u can say that i potentially loved it lots. anyways, he preached about following the cross. wherever the cross is we should follow it. whatever Gods calling is for our life, we should follow it with all we have. At this point im Amen-ing this guy and yelling out "awesome" , "thats good" "tru that." But what grabbed me the most was when i stopped myself and thought this: "this isnt about me anymore, its about bringing a living Jesus to a dying world." WOW. right there, is the life that needed to be spoken to me. At the end of his sermon he asked a very simple thing from us, " if you want to follow the cross, on the count of three lift ur right hand and yell out that u want to follow the cross." At this point im all like yeah i do, and then when he counted to 3, i stood up. he then called us to the front where we praised God and I listened intently to what God was saying to/ showing me. All i could see was the streets. Thru lots and lots and well, lots of tears, i found that it was a reassurance from God about what i was supposed to be doing with my life. it was AMAZING to make the decision to give it all to him, with no turning back. I am now going FULL FORCE for the things God wants me to do. I am so so so pumped to see what he has in store for me.

so, thank you Rich Wilkerson for opening ur mouth and preaching exactly what i needed to hear, and most importantly, thank you JESUS for taking my sin on that cross, and loving me unconditionally.